This is THE song that I get some sort of emotion when I listen to it. It can make me cry, make me sad or make me happy.

There’s a live guitar session of Jane’s Addiction playing and I just love watching them play. All of these guys were heroin addicts and if they can kick it, so can I. I love seeing their eyes when they play this and wonder if the song has an impact on them as it does to me and probably many others.

This song got me through one of my rehab stints. I listened to this song 100s of times and that’s no stretch. This song means so much to me. Poor Jane was such a junkie, she would lie, steal, get abused and sleep on the street all because of her heroin problem. Now Jane puts the past behind her, doesn’t associate with the band and is successful and clean.

Heroin and any type of drugs are mother fuckers. “We become slaves to our sins” is something that is so true. I remember being in my mid-twenties thinking to myself like “why in the fuck would anyone want to try heroin.” Now I am 33 and have been in a number of treatment facilities b/c of pills and opiates. I just wish this shit will stop fucking with me and so many of my friends. 

Truthful Tuesday

I haven’t been around much. My life has been consumed by hanging out with my bad friends and doing copious amounts of drugs. I spent all of my savings so I pulled a jackass move and and kept doing cash advances on my credit card. It got pretty bad, but I have to stop.

I decided in therapy the other day that I needed to stop drugs, esp since I am having gastric bypass on the 11th. I know this is all shit you guys have heard before, but I hope it’s the truth. I can’t being doing drugs and having surgery, it will kill me.

I just got off a tearjerker conversation with my brother about him being worried about me being drugs. We talked about a lot of different things. Apparently when I was in my heyday of drug using 5 years ago, I told him I didn’t want to be his best man in his wedding, something i guess that hurt him. I told him there were a lot of things from the past that he did that hurt me and that is why I said that. He is worried about me, but in the end I feel we are a lot closer.

I am a pretty dark individual. I have my demons more than the average Joe. But I am pretty excited about being clean from drugs. I am excited and scared shitless about this surgery. I think being clean and having this surgery will change my life. I hope to be around a lot more longer in life and if i keep up with my lifestyle, I wont be.